Most Underrated Tracks: Britney Spears Edition

 

I've always argued that Britney has never really been a singles artist (until recently), and still manages to sell really well (until recently) because her albums usually lack filler. I mean, sure ever album has one or two tracks that I could have done without ["My Baby" anyone?] but Britney's got some really major tracks that slipped under the radar with the fans. 

I trust you don't need me to post links and can YouTube them for yourselves. Really, shame on you for not owning her entire discography.

10. "E-Mail My Heart"

Ok, I know people are already looking at this list like, "what the fuck?" ... but hear me out! This is one of those songs that you'll hear in 20 years and start crying because you'll remember the time when e-mail was relevant and everyone had Yahoo! Now everyone just Tweets and Instagrams their penis. 

Social evolution aside, this is a rare glimpse at Britney's vocal range. She avoids her falsetto, which is usually a staple in her slower songs, and really belts out a lot of this tune. It's emotional. It's beautiful. Even Marina & the Diamonds raves about this song on Twitter.

9. "Trouble"

The fact that my cheap ass had to buy Circus 3 different times from 3 different places just to get this song really shows how pressed I am for it.

Really, what rocks about this song is that it's quintessential Britney, right down to its' bubblegum synths. The Circus album ended up being all over the place with it's urban beats on one track and extremely happy-go-lucky overtones on the next, and over the top auto-tuning on pretty much everything. This song kind of pulls away from all that and gives us the cute girly Britney that everyone fell in love with.

8. "The Hook Up"

On every album Britney has that one track that has an island feel. "Soda Pop," "One Kiss From You" and "Boombastic Love" were from the first the albums. Then on the fourth she gave us this little gem. Rihanna, take notes. This is how your serve a pussy-popping island track that can make even the most off-beat white boy whine his hips like Kat DeLuna.

 

7. "Rock Me In"

Greg Kurstin is pretty much Max Martin on a lot of drugs that were really popular and underestimated in power back in the 60s. He really knows how to put together a full on production that perfectly mixes live instruments with those fakes ones you make using Apple software. 

He gets most of the credit here, but Britney deliver one of her most well put together studio performances on this track. She sings, she does that weird rap-talk thing and it sounds like she actually had fun making this track. 

6. "Early Mornin'" / "Blur"

These tracks are just like... exactly how everyone wants to go through their slutty college years. If you don't have drunken nights when you let some weird guy tickle your no-no zone, then you're gonna be really unhappy when you're married and forty and your husband just doesn't please you like he used to.

If you really listen, Britney is complaining, but doesn't regret a damn thing she did, which is my favorite thing about these tracks.

5. "Big Fat Bass"

Remember how I spent 360 out of the 365 days in 2011 trying to make "Big Fat Bass" a single? 

Enough said. 

It still pisses me off to this day that this did not become a single. Seriously. I even wrote a letter to congress urging that they make it a law for Britney to release this single. I got some confused reply in the mail a month or so later point out that it takes years, sometimes, for laws to be made and that I should not put my own frivolous desires before more important ones like "anti-rape" laws. Pssshhh. Get a gun.

4. "Lonely"

The best song from the Britney album. No questions. It's weird saying that because "Slave 4 U" was one of her career defining singles, but "Lonely" is just in a league of it's own. Seriously. It sounds like a song P!nk or Kelly Clarkson would kill in a live performance. Britney oozes raw emotion in this track. She sounds angry. Hell, she sounds pissed. I can imagine her sitting in her trailer with a shotgun pointed at the door waiting on her dipshit boyfriend talk walk through the front door at 2:00 in the morning.

3. "Get Naked (I Gotta Plan)"

There's not much to say about this track. You have to feel it. You have to listen to it! 

Britney + Danja is one of the most deadly concoctions known to man and this track is their most dangerous. It's perfect.

2. "Where Are You Now?"

Britney's best vocal performance, ever.

The End. Get over it.

1. "Heaven on Earth"

How anti-climactic, right?

I don't care what anyone says. This is the single greatest love song Britney has ever sang. It's years ahead of it's time. It sounds like a Robyn track, almost, but something about it is so uniquely Britney that I really have a hard time imagining anyone else doing it and it turning out the way it did. Her voice is particularly air here, but mixed with the throbby and the fact that at one point in the song, there are three different lyrics being sang or poetically recited just blows me away.

I rank this song with the all time great dance classics like Donna Summer's "I Feel Love."